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Is it wrong to ask someone if they are still interested in me?


It depends. If someone had said they were interested before but you had a partner then, and gave that as a reason, then you could say something like “when you told me you were interested before, I had a partner and didn’t want to be disloyal, but that hasn’t worked out. It’s over. So if you are still interested we can go out”.

But if you are simply asking out of vanity then I don’t think it would be very nice to get the other person’s hopes up only to dash them again.


The golden meanie

In between those two extremes there lie all kinds of other scenarios, but I wouldn’t ask that person unless you are ready to go if they say “yes” and if you have a reasonable reason why you didn’t say yes before, such as that you had a partner then, or you were dealing with a stupid infatuation, or that you didn’t realise you has so much in common with the person. Or you thought they miht have been just joking around and now you hear they have a serious character and were probably not. Or you thought they were not going to be living in the area for long, or you weren’t going to be, and that’s changed. These are all reasonably valid reasons for changing your mind about someone’s approach.

“I said no earlier because I thought I had a chance with someone better than you” is a bad reason. I wouldn’t bother asking in those circs. Or “I didn’t know you were rich” is another bad reason.

Maybe the first step is to be honest with yourself as to what reason or reasons made you turn this person down before and what really changed. Then you can see if you can sell that reason to the other person.

Is this the “Talking with imbeciles”, series, or what?

Not really. This is part of a new series where I bring over, updating and re-writing where needed, the best of my answers to questions on Quora. I made a few of these in earlier years in chronological order. For now, I am moving them in the order of the number of upvotes received. These being the ones I would most regret losing. That is what they threatened me with over there for not being a Neo-Marxist. Over the course of 2022, on even numbered dates in the months, I plan to bring home to as many of the best of these as I can manage. Where relevant, also to . I’ll be improving them, updating them, adding images. I warmly invite discussion below in each case. Enjoy!”

Original Posting Date: 29/01/2019
Question as answered: Is it wrong to ask someone if they are still interested in me?

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My Credential for this answer: “I am an “agony uncle” – the mere reading of my posts is guaranteed to induce it.”

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