Category: Monday Funday

Monday Funday #5 The long goodbye

After 30 years of marriage a wife says to her husband,

“I am fed up of you watching too much sport on TV, snoring, never doing your share of the housework and not bringing in very much money. And now you’re retiring you can think again if you think you’re going to be under my feet all day. I own the house, you can pack your bags and off you go!”

So he packs his suitcases into the car and as he’s about to drive off she says “And I hope you die a slow and painful death”.

He replies “What, you mean I’m staying after all?”

 

The Caretaker: A Novel
4.4 out of 5 stars(44525)
$17.05 (as of 23/04/2026 00:32 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Full-Cast Edition)
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$41.34 (as of 23/04/2026 00:26 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)

Monday Funday #4 Reeves and Starmer

Reeves and Starmer are driving along a London street and the car stops at traffic lights next to a shop window, and there are articles of clothing hanging up with price labels on them – a pair of trousers labelled £50, a coat for £45 and a whole suit for £60.

Starmer says “Our policies to reduce the cost of living are obviously working, Rachel! Anybody would be pretty happy to get a suit like that for £60 pounds. I don’t remember prices like that from a tailor in London under the Tories!”.

Reeves replies “Very true, Keir, but that’s not a tailor, I’m afraid.  That’s a dry cleaner.”

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
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Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind
4.6 out of 5 stars(465132584)
$25.98 (as of 23/04/2026 00:32 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)

Monday Funday #3 The School Inspector

The school inspector drops in on an eighth‑grade German class. After greeting the teacher, he turns to a boy in the front row.

“Well then, Tobias — what do you know about Kleist’s Broken Jug?”

Tobias sits up straight and answers earnestly:

“It wasn’t me, sir. I never touched it.”

 

The inspector stares at the teacher, appalled.

“Did you hear that? What do you say to that?”

The teacher sighs.

“Well… Tobias can be a bit of a rascal. But he never lies. If he says he didn’t break it, then he didn’t break it.”

The inspector, now alarmed, marches straight to the headmaster. The headmaster turns pale.

“Inspector, please — I don’t want this to reflect badly on the school. What would a jug like that cost? If I give you twenty euros, could you pass it on to Kleist and settle the matter?”

The inspector, horrified, rushes back to the Ministry and reports everything to the deputy minister. The deputy minister shakes his head.

“Well, if you ask me… it must have been the headmaster. Nobody pays Kleist that quickly unless they’re guilty.”

Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More than T...
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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Full-Cast Edition)
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$27.55 (as of 23/04/2026 00:26 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)

Monday Funday #2 The Parental Divorce

Here’s a nice topical joke for the time of year.

An old man in Miami calls his son in New York and says: “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty‑five years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son shouts.

“We can’t stand each other anymore,” the father replies. “I can’t bear to see her face, and I’m tired of talking about it. Call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” Then he hangs up.

The son, worried, calls his sister.

She says: “As if they’re really getting divorced!” and immediately phones their father. “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do anything. We’re both coming home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t fill out any papers, DO YOU HEAR ME?” Then she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says: “Okay, they’re coming for Christmas — and they’re paying for their own tickets.”

Mad Mabel: A Novel
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The Butcher's Masquerade: Dungeon Crawler Carl, Book 5
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Monday Funday #1 The Pastor’s Son

A boy had just passed his driving license. He asked his father, who was a pastor, if they could have a chat about about him using the car.

The father said:

“I’ll make you a deal. Improve your grades, read the Bible a little, and get your hair cut — then we’ll talk about it.”

A month later the boy came back and asked again about him using the car. His father said:

“Son, I’m really proud of you. You’ve improved your grades, you’ve been reading the Bible diligently — but, here’s the thing,  you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The young man paused for a moment and replied:

“You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking. Samson had long hair. Moses had long hair. Noah had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair.”

His father answered:

“Yes, my son. Indeed they did. And, like yourself, they walked everywhere.”

Paradox: A Novel
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$17.71 (as of 23/04/2026 00:32 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
The Bright Years
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$16.40 (as of 23/04/2026 00:32 GMT +02:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)