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Category Archives: Satire and Comedy

Everything in this section has been measured as having at least 7,5 dHE (deutsche Humoreinheiten, or German Units of Humour, which is the EU industrial standard), so don’t you go telling me it’s not funny. Like, what the heck do you know?

Everyone considers her the liar of the country…


“Twenty years of silence
Were bottled up inside her
She wasn’t holding nothing back
The media got it all
When Charlotte left the press room
Not a Johnsonite was standing
She said “This one’s for Brexit!”
As she watched the last one fall.”

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What’s the difference between…?


I say, I say, I say: what’s the difference between a social worker and a Rottweiler
I don’t know, what IS the difference between a social worker and a Rottweiler?
You get your kids back off a Rottweiler.

I say I say I say: what’s the difference between the Soviet Union and the European Union?
I don’t know, what IS the difference between the Soviet Union and the Euopean Union?
You get your countries back off the Soviet one.

 

Chats between Guv and Peeps #1. Leaving the EU.


Guv: Hey, Peeps, shall we remain in the European Union or shall we leave?

Peeps: Well, you know what, Guv, in view of what Merkel is doing and how Obama threatened us with the end of the queue for trade deals, I suppose, marginally, we’d better go, hadn’t we? I am sure we’ll find a way to be independent.

Guv: OK, that’s what we’ll do, then.

Peeps: OK, Good luck. Sie schaffen das, hur hur hur.

Two and a half years later:

Guv: Well, Peeps, it’s now nearly three years later, Obama is long gone, Merkel’s on her way out, there’s lots of countries in the EU that would be our allies these days for a less federalist Europe. The guy in charge of the USA is all infavour of our leaving now, but for his own benefit. It’s clear that the whole business of leaving has a lot more issues than we knew about before, and you’ve got 5% more young people who wanted to stay in the electorate now, so are you QUITE SURE you still want to leave?

Peeps: How dare you ask us again? We gave you a clear signal? Wanna go undermining our demotrachic rights?! Disgusting!!!!

Generational change


“The only two certain things” Franklin may have said, possibly referencing a line by Defoe “are death and taxes”.

However, those who are “in the know” are aware that these things are far from certain, either. The very poor are unaware of taxes, and not really experiencing them, and often not even the benefit of other people paying them. The very rich are also capable of making their tax burdens rather uncertain as to the absolute quantum, and God alone knows what percentage of any particular man or woman’s real efforts have been taken from him in one form of taxation or another and of those which percentage actually used to good effect.

Death also is not certain for the Christian, it is written that some “will not taste of death”, which is generally taken to mean that they will be raptured and changed into their resurrection states in the “twinkling of an eye” (I Cor 15:52). We are also shown in the Bible how Enoch and Elijah are taken bodily to heaven, without dying (Genesis 5:24, 2 Kings 2:11), possibly in order to be the two witnesses we read about in Revelation 11:3-12.

So is anything certain, then? Yes. The certainty is change. The only certainty is that given enough time nothing is certain. Everything must change. And nowhere more is the effect of change seen than when one generation hands over to the next generation. We have another Pharaoh in Exodus who “knew not Joseph” and so the position of the Hebrews in the Egyptian kingdom starts to deteriorate, leading eventually to the Exodus in the parted waters of the Red Sea.  But also we see throughout human history how what was decided by one generation in a dynasty is often overturned in the next.

The Nazis wanted to destroy the intellectuals of Poland, and so they executed officers, teachers, theatre directors, librarians, poets, anyone who could lead the people intellectually, along with their families. The children of ordinary farmers and factory workers, they thought, would not be in any state to replace the ones they took. But each time meiosis happens, it is the shuffling and redealing of a much bigger pack of cards than we might think, and genius which was not at all evident in the parents starts to come to the fore in the children. Now Poland is full of clever managers, inventors, thinkers whose parents drove trams or cleaned around in hospitals. I have met such people again and again, and also the opposite, which is a humbling thing, really. We all hope our children will be as clever or cleverer than we are, but this is not always the case either. Some of my readers may even be discovering this at the moment and having to come to terms with it.

A good rule to follow in business succession planning, by the way, is to consider that if you want one of your kids to take over your business from you, you’d better have four, as only 50% of them will have the intelligence needed to do it and only 50% will have the inclination and wish to do it. Both of these are needed and they are not dependent variables. Yes, I know people will turn around and say, “there you go again, GoldList Method Boy, stating things which are not science as if they were when genetics puts all of this differently and goes into detail and contradicts some of what you say”. Well, OK. Nevertheless, this actually works and is a pretty effective way of expressing how you need to prepare if you would like to have a business dynasty.

In the light of all the above, I had a meditation today on one popular story, well known to the kids of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries.

They say that “they all lived happily ever after”, but as far as the seven dwarfs was concerned, the next generation was were it started to go pear-shaped.  Grumpy’s kids were all sweetness and light, Sleepy’s kids were workaholics, Sneezy’s kids didn’t have any allergoes to anything and rarely caught colds, Doc’s kids on the other hand were hopelessly unhealthy and also far too thick to be candidates for the medical profession, which was headed by Dopey’s son, the Surgeon general, Happy’s kids were all chronic depressives and Bashful’s lot were never off the television screen unless they were coming sozzled out of nighclubs singing at the tops of their voices with a retinue of fans in tow. This could be the premise for a nice screenplay or telenovella, in which case I am bagging it now and anyone else who does it has to pay me copyright fees? Why? Because my parents were very nice and wouldn’t have asked for copyright fees off annyone.

Thought for the Day #2 – with Rev. Timothy Crosbeau


Original YT playout date: 4 May 2008
Duration: 10:38

This time we talk about respect, and an appropriate approach to ourselves, other people in society, the animal kingdom and growing things also.

We deal with the offence of vegetarianism and the correct way to conduct cannibalism and food-hoarding in times of incumbent famine.
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News at Ten – Blair becomes Pope


Original playout date: 22 December 2007
Duration: 0:18

Following his 2007 connversion to Roman Catholicism, Bliar had a serie of meetings to become the first Pope to have been converted into the faith only days previously, and to be beatified while still alive and serving as EU President as St Antonius Bliarius, patron saint of war criminals.
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In the Defence of a Lady


Original playout date: 22 December 2007
Duration: 2:18

One of the most watched videos on the channel with more than half a million views, this is not by me, this is an example of some dozen or so occasions where I just took a clip that was not available to an international audience, added subtitles and internationalised it. There have been no complaints or claims by the actual owners, who are shown in the clip, a famous cabaret (sketch show as we would put it) from Poland.
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Huliganov’s Free Spee..


Original playout date: 18 November 2007
Duration: 4:22

The attempt on Benazir Bhutto’s life prompts a rant from Huliganov which you could get away with in 2007 but could never get away with in 2017, in this era of political correctness and special pleading for the religion of peace. Thankfully in 2007 we have complete freedom to express opionions, but there are still some opponents better left untouched. Therefore, on legal adice, Huli’s enthusiastic endorsement of pulling lawyers’ hair has been removed.
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Peter Paczek’s Advanced English Homophobes


Original playout date: 21 September 2007
Duration: 12:36

Peter Pączek gives us a second lesson on English homophobes, which is a major stumbling block for those struggling to “leorn wor English langwidge”.
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Daft Copper


Original playout date: 18 June 2007
Duration: 0:27

Ths was someone else’s video in Russia, all I did was subtitle it. There are a few vids on the channel where all I was doing was making Russian or Polish or other content available to a wider audience in this way.
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