Monday Funday #2 The Parental Divorce

Here’s a nice topical joke for the time of year.

An old man in Miami calls his son in New York and says: “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty‑five years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son shouts.

“We can’t stand each other anymore,” the father replies. “I can’t bear to see her face, and I’m tired of talking about it. Call your sister in Chicago and tell her.” Then he hangs up.

The son, worried, calls his sister.

She says: “As if they’re really getting divorced!” and immediately phones their father. “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do anything. We’re both coming home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don’t call a lawyer, don’t fill out any papers, DO YOU HEAR ME?” Then she hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says: “Okay, they’re coming for Christmas — and they’re paying for their own tickets.”

Monday Funday #1 The Pastor’s Son

A boy had just passed his driving license. He asked his father, who was a pastor, if they could have a chat about about him using the car.

The father said:

“I’ll make you a deal. Improve your grades, read the Bible a little, and get your hair cut — then we’ll talk about it.”

A month later the boy came back and asked again about him using the car. His father said:

“Son, I’m really proud of you. You’ve improved your grades, you’ve been reading the Bible diligently — but, here’s the thing,  you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The young man paused for a moment and replied:

“You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking. Samson had long hair. Moses had long hair. Noah had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair.”

His father answered:

“Yes, my son. Indeed they did. And, like yourself, they walked everywhere.”

What’s the difference between…?

I say, I say, I say: what’s the difference between a social worker and a Rottweiler
I don’t know, what IS the difference between a social worker and a Rottweiler?
You get your kids back off a Rottweiler.

I say I say I say: what’s the difference between the Soviet Union and the European Union?
I don’t know, what IS the difference between the Soviet Union and the Euopean Union?
You get your countries back off the Soviet one.