Blog Archives

Huliganov’s Philadelphia, part 2 – Signers’ Hall


Original YT playout date: 13 November 2009
Duration: 23:00

We go to the place where the bronze casts of the original freemasons who decided that they were “the people”, as in not just SOME people, but THE ones with a capital THEE, and could get rid of the monarchy from the colonies. Some of them were dissidents, but only because they wanted some amendments to the Constitution, not because they were loyal to “Boy” George, the English king, who was considered to have had bad, even chameleonic karma. He was a herpetologist, you see, and his herpes were known all over the world. He tried to tax the colonies to finance his requirement for Zoovirax, so that he could house his chameleons and other herpes in appropriate terrariums, and therefore is considered to have been the first ever international terrarist.

They all signed following the words “yes, we really want to hurt you” in this very hall, built some 200 years later, and in that day they split the English nation into two, forcing the British to colonise Australia instead. The Western part started to be called Americans (even though they were in the process of killing the real Americans, but this self-same thing had been done before in Prussia by the people who made up a leading cohort in the non-loyal Americans) and the Eastern Part plus Canada carried on being the British Empire, and they played cricket and gave up slavery. Officially anyway. Later on America also gave up slavery in the South, battling each other in the process, and later on still they did battle against alcohol producers, the environment and most recently of all someone else’s freedom fighting, as well as turning up close to the end of two world wars, and helping us beat the Germans, who nevertheless love them and forgive them everything.

The leader, Ben Jammer Franklinstein, who was Grand Master of Pennsylvania, even though it was supposed to be a Quaker State and they have oats rather than Grand Masters, wanted all the people to sign, not just his fellow freemasons. He said the following immoral words: “I’d like to get the world to sign, in perfect harmony, this declaration of our state of independency. I’d like to buy the world a coke, and furnish it with ice, and put some lemon in as well, if only just a slice.” however, it was a rainy night in Georgia, we feel, from which that particular soda started raining all over the world.

And such is American history in a nutcase.

In honour of this, Viktor D. Huliganov signs the Treaty of Independence, thus ratifying it and assuring its immor(t)ality. He may not be a freemason like 13 or more of those 33 those bronze figures, but he is all in favour of life, liberty and the pursuit of ice-cold soda.
Read the rest of this entry

%d bloggers like this: