ICMTSU #3 Google Translate has put the fun back into Nigerian Scam Spam

The official poster of the movie I produced, &...
Co? Czy nie ładnie mówię po polsku?

For the last year or so the broken English of the scammers has now become so broken once it goes via Google translate into other languages, that sometimes the results are nothing short of hilarious.

Sometimes they send them with the untranslated parts still intact, as they have absolutely no idea of how useless a job the machine has made of translating their anyway often hopeless English into languages where the rigors of correspondence are more conservative and where the resulting mess is nothing short of alarmingly ludicrous.

Just to give you an example, I’ll take the one I received in Polish this evening :

Drogi Przyjacielu,
Jak sie dzisiaj i Twojej rodziny? Mam nadzieje, ze dobrze, jestem Mr.Christopher Johnson. Od Haledon, North West London, tutaj w Anglii. Ja pracuje dla NatWest Bank Corporation Londynie. Pisze ci z mojego biura, które beda z ogromna korzyscia dla nas obu. W moim departamencie, jako asystent menedzera (Greater London Regional Office, odkrylem opuszczonej sume 12,5 milionów dolarów USA dolary (dwanascie milionów piecset tysiecy nami dolarów) na koncie nalezacym do jednego z naszych zagranicznych klientów Late Pan Thompson Morrison amerykanskiego obywatela, który niestety stracil zycie w katastrofie samolotu Alaska Airlines Flight 261, który rozbil sie 31 stycznia 2000, w tym jego zona i córka tylko.
Wybór jest skontaktowac sie cieszyla z charakteru geograficznego, w którym mieszkasz, w szczególnosci ze wzgledu na starosc z transakcji i poufnosc w niniejszym dokumencie. Teraz nasz bank zostal czeka na którykolwiek z krewnymi, aby sie do roszczenia, ale nikt nie uczynil tego. Ja osobiscie zostal nieudanych odnalezienie krewnych na 2 lat, szukam Twojej zgody, aby zaprezentowac Panstwu jak najblizszych krewnych / Czy beneficjent do zmarlego tak, ze wplywy z tego konta wyceniono na 12,5 mln dolarów moze byc wyplacona do Ciebie.
To bedzie wyplacane lub udostepniane w tych procentów, 60% do 40% mnie i dla Ciebie. Mam zabezpieczone wszystkie niezbedne dokumenty, które moga zostac wykorzystane do wykonania kopii zapasowej tego twierdzenia jest uczynienie. Wszystkie w razie potrzeby jest wypelnic swoje nazwiska do dokumentów i zalegalizowac go w sadzie, aby udowodnic Ci za prawowitego beneficjenta. Wszystko, czego wymagaja teraz jest uczciwy wspólpracy, poufnosci i zaufania w celu umozliwienia nas widzi te transakcje. Gwarantuje, ze bedzie to wykonane zgodnie z prawem rozwiazanie, które bedzie chronic komputer z wszelkich przypadków naruszenia law.Please dostarczyc mi nastepujace: jak mamy 7 dni, aby go uruchomic poprzez. Jest to bardzo pilnie prosze.
1. Pelna Nazwa:
2. Twoje: Numer telefonu
3. Twój adres kontaktowy.
4. Wiek:
5.Core Praca / Zawód:
Po przejsciu przez metodyczna wyszukiwania, postanowilem skontaktowac sie z Toba nadzieje, ze znajdziecie interesujace tej propozycji. Prosze na potwierdzenie tej wiadomosci i wskazujac zainteresowanie, bede dostarczyc Panstwu wiecej informacji. Endeavor do let me know swojej decyzji zamiast trzymac mnie czeka.
Mr.Christopher Johnson

This is about as crap Polish as anyone could come up with and still have it recognisable as such. From the use of “Dear Friend” in the salutation, which no Pole is going to write to someone they haven’t spent a “szmat czasu” with all the way through to the use of “nazwa” – the name of a thing – to describe  a person’s full name, it is entirely hopeless. Probably written in poor English at the outset – nobody outside of subsaharan Africa introduces themselves as “Mr” – the style is just so out of synch with what the person claims to be and what they are talking about that only the lowliest naiveling could be led along by it for a second. And then on top of that a display of all the weak points of machine translation, uncritically cut and paste into an email.

I really couldn’t make this s**t up.

Announcing the new changes on this blog for 2011!

Google Android
Google Android's WordPress application greatly facilitates posting when away from a computer.

I’ve decided to take up the challenge by the folks over at The DailyPost, and be part of the postaday2011 challenge. That means that at least once a day there will be a new post on this blog, so please subscribe and get ready for what will be hopefully a mix of the entertaining and the thought-provoking, as I have tried to provide so far.

Some days there may be more than one post, but the idea is to not let a day go by without a post.

As readers of this blog could see recently, I have worked out how to do posts here from my Android phone, so that’ll be the main way of doing diary-style blogposts, the Diary of a New Decade series even when on trains and the like. Also I started the ICMTSU series, which has two posts in it so far, and that is  there to chronicle things which would be too ridiculous or strange to make up. For those not familiar with this old Usenet abbreviation, ICMSTU  means “I can’t make this s**t up”.

Another change in 2011 will be that all the YouTube video added in 2011 will be also placed in here as it is uploaded to YouTube. I’ll try to keep that current to within a week. This starts from my last video in 2010, my New Year Huliganov address video, which sets out what the plans are for the YouTube channel , which is here.

Basically a new video appears whenever the preceding one has hit 100, or becomes sure to hit it within days. The older YT stuff will be posted in chronological order, except where occasionally as with the Jimmy series I decide to put them all up at once.

Continue reading “Announcing the new changes on this blog for 2011!”

ICMTSU #2 Grim multilingual Christmas corporate cards

I really can’t MTSU, this time. I’ve seen some dire ones over the years, but this one is downright scary. I’ve changed the logo of the Firm who sent it as it is a legal firm and so I might get sued, and I did make a very slight adjustment to the lead partner’s face, just to emphasise a certain aspect I noticed about it.

A very scary Christmas to you, und Du, et vous...

Not only can nearly none of them (with the worthy exception of the one speaking Italian) manage to crack their faces into a smile or any appearance of happiness while launching into their multilingual greetings in Polish, English, Italian, German, Russian, French, and, for some inexplicable reason, Taiwanese Chinese, but also the greyscale photos seem to lend a depressed air to the whole effort.

With regard to the Chinese one containing half characters that most Chinese people outside Taiwan wouldn’t recognise any more, I assume they went into the Google translate thing and saw that they could have “simplified” or “traditional” and they probably thought that “traditional” would be better for a Christmas card.

I’m also far from sure some of these people speak the languages that are bubbling out of their mouths. I did check their website, and it says what languages they actually claim to speak. Hanyu is not included among them, as you may guess, but the guy speaking German here is in fact a real German.

As a marketing effort this is such an epic fail I can only put it here under the ICMTSU section. If you know any worse ones, please include them in the comments!


Here it is the start of a new series of posts on this blog, and they’re gonna get their own category.

I also thought of another new series today – but I’ll start it in the new year, God willing.

In the meantime, the ICMTSU series is exactly what it says it is, and this piece I found in the Telegraph this weekend is a prime example of what I mean.

When I saw this I was moments away from sending it to the Private Eye, but I realised on time I have a perfectly good publication myself, if with a smaller readership for the time being, namely this blog, and so here it is!